Many emotions have surfaced over the last few weeks for me, but anger has been recurring. You're probably thinking..."Keba? Angry? Can't Picture It." I know. I usually do just about everything with a smile.
And perhaps that will never change. But there is something about slowing down that creates stillness ... The kind of stillness that can make anyone uneasy. These last few weeks I could feel the silence shaking me up up...something was still rushing, rumbling below the surface, irritating me again and again.
What was I so frustrated about? At first glance, everything! My Work Life. My Home Life. My Social Life. My Social Media Life. I was so triggered, by so many things, all the time . So of course, when I looked deeper, the common denominator was ... me.
The Reality of Quarantine...Twice
Let me say that this is technically my second "Quarantine". My first was more of a 'free trial' back in September. I'd just moved to St. Augustine with big plans to hit the town, book all the hottest venues and get on my feet...Until my right foot got injured and stuck in a boot for 6 weeks.
Shows were cancelled.
Driving Around. Hustling & Bustling for Business. Cancelled.
Doing Whatever I Wanted, Whenever I Wanted. For Myself, By Myself. Cancelled.
All The Things That I Thought Defined Me. Cancelled.
I was upset... left to face the reality of life in a boot and make the most of it. So I occupied myself with wedding plans. Yet as much as I tried to ignore the signs, I got a glimpse of something I see even more clearly now:
I didn't know what was next for me or my career... and that made me angry.
You see, I thought staying "busy" meant I was figuring it out. But once "busy" was no longer possible, I got present to deeper questions. What was I busy chasing after? Was it sustainable? Where would it put me in 1, 5, 10 years? Was it giving me the kind of life I could enjoy along the way? Was I enjoying life now? Or always waiting for something bigger/better to happen? These were questions I'd thought about before, but never fully answered.
The Beauty of the Unknown
Fast forward to Quarantine 2020, the full subscription nobody signed up for. I recognized the same feeling in myself. Fear of the unknown, disguised as anger. Except this time, there was no wedding to distract me and the whole world would be on pause until further notice. So I decided to stop resisting.
An ironic thing happens when you stop resisting life...you start receiving it. I began to see the unknown for what it truly was: a blank slate to create whatever I wanted in the present, without the things that defined me in the past and without the empty promises of the future.
In the present, the possibilities became endless because I was able to admit to myself what I really wanted:
I wanted to be busy with better things...things that wouldn't just fulfill me but would also sustain me, physically, emotionally & financially.
I wanted my income to be something I could count on: less influenced by external circumstances and more aligned with a lifestyle I could enjoy sooner than later.
I wanted the time, freedom and finances to plan on things outside of work. Family. Friends. Fun...
And I wanted to create all those things for myself instead of leaving them completely up to the chance of something bigger/better suddenly happening.
The New Normal
Some people have lost their jobs during Quarantine but some people have also voluntarily switched careers. They've realized now is their chance to create something new for themselves. I've wanted to restructure my career for two years now and I've been too "busy" to get clear and create a real plan. So I spent the last 6 weeks, really thinking about what I want my WHOLE life to look like and building a new foundation for that.
So here's the "Something" I want to share:
With this time, don't worry so much about being productive or doing what everyone else is doing... Just listen to what life is saying and receive it with a whole heart. Get still, silence your mind...listen to the emotions in your body, honor the questions in your soul, claim the vision in your heart. They will guide to clarity . And you might uncover a new normal that you didn't know you needed. I know I have.
And perhaps that will never change. But there is something about slowing down that creates stillness ... The kind of stillness that can make anyone uneasy. These last few weeks I could feel the silence shaking me up up...something was still rushing, rumbling below the surface, irritating me again and again.
What was I so frustrated about? At first glance, everything! My Work Life. My Home Life. My Social Life. My Social Media Life. I was so triggered, by so many things, all the time . So of course, when I looked deeper, the common denominator was ... me.
The Reality of Quarantine...Twice
Let me say that this is technically my second "Quarantine". My first was more of a 'free trial' back in September. I'd just moved to St. Augustine with big plans to hit the town, book all the hottest venues and get on my feet...Until my right foot got injured and stuck in a boot for 6 weeks.
Shows were cancelled.
Driving Around. Hustling & Bustling for Business. Cancelled.
Doing Whatever I Wanted, Whenever I Wanted. For Myself, By Myself. Cancelled.
All The Things That I Thought Defined Me. Cancelled.
I was upset... left to face the reality of life in a boot and make the most of it. So I occupied myself with wedding plans. Yet as much as I tried to ignore the signs, I got a glimpse of something I see even more clearly now:
I didn't know what was next for me or my career... and that made me angry.
You see, I thought staying "busy" meant I was figuring it out. But once "busy" was no longer possible, I got present to deeper questions. What was I busy chasing after? Was it sustainable? Where would it put me in 1, 5, 10 years? Was it giving me the kind of life I could enjoy along the way? Was I enjoying life now? Or always waiting for something bigger/better to happen? These were questions I'd thought about before, but never fully answered.
The Beauty of the Unknown
Fast forward to Quarantine 2020, the full subscription nobody signed up for. I recognized the same feeling in myself. Fear of the unknown, disguised as anger. Except this time, there was no wedding to distract me and the whole world would be on pause until further notice. So I decided to stop resisting.
An ironic thing happens when you stop resisting life...you start receiving it. I began to see the unknown for what it truly was: a blank slate to create whatever I wanted in the present, without the things that defined me in the past and without the empty promises of the future.
In the present, the possibilities became endless because I was able to admit to myself what I really wanted:
I wanted to be busy with better things...things that wouldn't just fulfill me but would also sustain me, physically, emotionally & financially.
I wanted my income to be something I could count on: less influenced by external circumstances and more aligned with a lifestyle I could enjoy sooner than later.
I wanted the time, freedom and finances to plan on things outside of work. Family. Friends. Fun...
And I wanted to create all those things for myself instead of leaving them completely up to the chance of something bigger/better suddenly happening.
The New Normal
Some people have lost their jobs during Quarantine but some people have also voluntarily switched careers. They've realized now is their chance to create something new for themselves. I've wanted to restructure my career for two years now and I've been too "busy" to get clear and create a real plan. So I spent the last 6 weeks, really thinking about what I want my WHOLE life to look like and building a new foundation for that.
So here's the "Something" I want to share:
With this time, don't worry so much about being productive or doing what everyone else is doing... Just listen to what life is saying and receive it with a whole heart. Get still, silence your mind...listen to the emotions in your body, honor the questions in your soul, claim the vision in your heart. They will guide to clarity . And you might uncover a new normal that you didn't know you needed. I know I have.